Game Review: Prototype 2
Platform: Xbox 360 (Also on PS3 and PC)
Genre: Sandbox/Open World
Reviewer: Sean Newman (editing by @TheFlyinJew)
I just want to start this review off by saying that I never finished the first Prototype. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was coming out a few weeks later, and since it's probably one of the best games ever made, I traded Prototype in for store credit to make sure I had enough to get it. Any normal person would have done the same. Hell, you could make your own bad ass motherfucker of a pony, and I wasn't about to miss out on that.
Before I jizz my pants while fondly remembering the Discotrip pony I made, let me get started on what you are really here for: an attempt at a review of Prototype 2. Yes, it's a sequel, this site REALLY loves reviewing sequels. This site also loves black people. It's how Jew got a job. Therefore This game is a perfect review for the site, because in Prototype 2 you play as Sgt. James Heller, a black guy. The biggest difference between Jew and Heller, however, is that Jew has yet to be violated by the Carnage symbiote.
As this game is a sequel, it takes place some time after the first game, obviously. Stupidly enough, it's not explained at all in-game why Alex Mercer (the hero of the first game) has gone rogue and brought about the chaos of the second major infection. A 3 part comic series thankfully bridges the gap between Prototype 1 and 2, but it's kind of sad that the developers couldn't do it in the game. Probably a bad attempt at attachment selling. Anyway the game starts you in the heart of the Red zone (the zone where the "Mercer virus" is allowed to grow unchecked) chasing down Mercer, only to be obviously outmatched, beaten, and infected. This is how protagonists are made! Fade back in to a test facility, where black man is used as a guinea pig. Experiments are performed on him to see what the hell is inside of his blood, and if he can be made a slave. Since this ain't no Roots and Heller ain't no Kunta Kinte, our hero busts out. That's when the real fun begins.
While the game claims to be open world, it actually forces you to stay in the Yellow zone until you progress further into the story. Then you move to the Green zone, and finally back into the Red zone. The Red zone is full of heavily infected resistance, Yellow features medium level threats, and Green is full of lightly infected pushovers. Unlike the first game, where you could freely explore the most of the game world from the start, this game lies to you by restricting your freedom, much like our own government.
Even more depressing, having to deal with a weak ass story and boring characters makes getting to the green and red zones almost not worth the abuse, fun gameplay be damned. A large complaint of the first game was it's insane difficulty in some parts. Prototype 2 attempted to address this, and instead made things too easy, even on hard! Sometimes enemies WILL get a few lucky hits in, which still do a decent amout of damage, just not the anal raping levels of damage that I hated about the first game.
Another big complaint I have is that sadly, there are no hookers for you to run over with a tank. To this I simply say "wtf!?". NYC is full of filthy hookers looking to turn a trick, yet I have been through this entire game, and cannot find a single one. So much for any REAL fun. I guess you will have to use your claws, blade arm, hammer, whipfist, and devastator to really get your fill of bloody good fun. Act now and get 4 new and actually useful abilites! Side effects include nausea, indigestion, cancer, arguing with Gamestop over their return policy, and fear of clowns.
Shields: Good for more than just defense and giving yourself some breathing room in tough spots. Shields also reflect rockets and stun the super soldiers that you will eventually face.
Tendrils:THE BEST power in the game, hands down. Fucks up tanks, fucks up helicopters, fucks up brawlers, fucks up everything. When charged up, the black hole attack will make quick work of ANY large group of foes.
Bio Bomb: Turn your foes into exploding tossable black hole attacks, also good for long range surprise set ups. It's like making a living, thinking, breathing hand greanade.
Pack Leader: Want to take a smoke break or fap for a few minutes? Then unleash a pack of brawlers on every hostile around you and enjoy a some time with those two girls waiting in your bed.
Even with these awesome abilites, however, it doesn't make up for the fact that the main story is way too short. The game is only about 10 hours max to get the 1000 gamerscore, and that's playing on hard as well. The lack of collectables also cuts down on exploration time. It would have been nice to have had more than 40 compared to the 400+ in Prototype 1.
Final Verdict:This game had promise but in the end it was all a lie, truth is if you want an easy 1000 gamerscore rent this otherwise save your money for better things like Spicy McChicken sandwiches, or My Little Pony DLC.
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